Queer Diary - Hasbian Crush Quiz

Hasbian Character Crush Quiz

Mizz magazine eat your heart out ❤️‍🔥

Back when BuzzFeed could've been a brand of honey, the way to find your truth was by circling letters in glitter gel pen and counting up your As and Bs. Take the Hasbian character crush quiz, to match you with one of the characters in Hasbian.

What's Hasbian?

Hasbian is a comedy show based on Beth's REAL 00s teenage diaries.

To save the blushes of Beth's real friends (and foes), all the names in the diary have been changed to the name of the actor who'd play them in a 00s teen movie of Beth's life.

See HASBIAN on tour to find out more

Answer 10 scientifically formulated questions & find your y2k crush...

Question One:

What's your usual 'type'?

A. Quietly mysterious

B. Sweetly supportive

C. Intensely passionate

D. Wildly rebellious

E. Hilariously funny

F. Wholesomely nerdy

Question Two:

Do you have a gender/expression-based preference in a partner?

A. Masc

B. Femme

C. Stop making me choose! I could never stick with one (gender/type/person)

D. I don't mind as long as we have lots in common & I feel comfortable talking to them

E. I don't mind as long as they're FIT

F. I'm looking for a platonic thing, so this doesn't really come into it

Question Three:

How do you meet? (Hasbian is set in the 00s, there's no Hinge)

A. We knew each other for years before we got to "know" each other

B. Through a shared interest

C. They were in the right place at the right time (nearby, when I got dumped)

D. On MSN Messenger

E. Through a friend

F. I needed help with my homework

Question Four:

What's your first date?

A. Go to a house party and snog all night

B. See my fave girl group in concert

C. Grab a coffee at the mall

D. Go round theirs & listen to CDs of bands I've never heard of

E. Invite them to mine to watch TV (Brit Awards & chill)

F. We walk home together & stop at the shop for snacks (less a date, more of a daily ritual)

Question Five:

What do you wear to impress them?

A. An item of theirs that I stole (it smells so good)

B. Double denim

C. Brand new Docs (the blisters hurt, but they make me taller)

D. A band t-shirt (no, it's not pre-aged, yes I can name their albums, and tell you all the band members' birthdays)

E. A tight corset

F. Elaborate cosplay from our fave franchise

Question Six:

What's their signature style?

A. Knitwear - but in, like, a cool retro way

B. Double demin

C. Smudgy eyeliner

D. A parka

E. A sweeping 00s fringe

F. Knitwear - but in, like, a cute, nerdy way

Question Seven:

How do they express their devotion?

A. Introduce me to their family

B. Swear "I'll never let you go" (even if they do, quite soon after, let go)

C. Make a card

D. Make a mixtape

E. Cook me breakfast

F. Make me a friendship bracelet

Question Eight:

What's the catch?

A. They're not the gender I normally date

B. Their family won't accept our relationship

C. They like someone else more than me

D. I like someone else more than them

E. They're almost TOO attractive

F. We don't fancy each other

Question Nine:

What's "your song"? (on the Hasbian playlist)

A. Weezer - Pink Triangle

B. B*Witched - Blame It On The Weatherman

C. Placebo - Every You & Every Me

D. Green Day - Nice Guys Finish Last

E. tATu - All The Things She Said

F. Destiny's Child - Independent Women

Question Ten:

Which 90s/00s movie/tv show do they belong in?

A. A wholesome comedy - That 70s Show, or Sabrina The Teenage Witch

B. Something intense & angsty - Girl Interrupted or The Craft

C. An indie cult classic - But I'm A A Cheerleader or Ghost World

D. Something with a great soundtrack - Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Empire Records

E. Something with a strong parental advisory notice - Skins or Cruel Intentions

F. A buddy movie - Wayne's World or Bill & Ted

Meet Your Crush!!!

MOSTLY As

"He's just what my family and all their friends want me to have. So it HAS TO LAST!"

Dude, where's my boy-next-door?!

This cutie seems like sweetness on a (very tall) stick. He's Mr Right, perfect for taking home to your family, but also retains an air of quiet indie-boy mystery behind his floppy fringe.

But is he really emo, or just emotionally unavailable? Will you be destined to go to prom together and live happily ever after?

See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!

MOSTLY Bs

"I have always loved Lindsay I think, but I want to stay best friends with her"

You never believed in soulmates till you met Lindsay. You start dressing the same (double denim) & want to spend every minute together.

But what happens when besties become more? Can you be together if her parents disapprove?

What's gonna happen when she starts making friends with other people? Is Lindsay a mean girl - or are you just being a teenage drama queen?

See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!

MOSTLY Cs

"Natasha and Clea made me a card to cheer me up, they're so sweet!"

Who says you always have to make up your mind?

This pair of pals are attached at the hip, which means they come as a two-for-one: bring it on!

These rebel grrls go to the local gay youth group, so learned a lot of what was missing from Section 28-era Sex Ed, and can't hardly wait to teach you a thing or two.

But are they too hopelessly devoted to each other to be on your cheer team?

See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!

MOSTLY Ds

"Wow! I know nothing about the art of drumming but Joseph was fantastically AMAZING?!"

Joseph’s a bit nerdy, but it's kind of… adorable? Like, this is a boy you can actually TALK to. And when his band play live, they don't sound nearly as bad as they do on their CD. But will you recognise his leading man potential in time?

Will he find 10 things he loves about you? Or get annoyed at having to solve your dating dilemmas?

Will he have time to go out with ANYONE, in between band practice and 500 days of match-making?

See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!

MOSTLY Es

"We woke up after the party, and Kate made me pancakes and WOAH, she is SO gorgeous."

Kate is sex on legs - literally! This androgynous hottie has a gorgeous collarbone, perfect hips, and a cute smile.

Plus, she has long fingers and is good at… making pancakes.

So maybe you should do the whole “going out” thing with Kate? After all, your star signs say it could work out…

But is she really all that? Will she say the 'L' word, or does she have cruel intentions?

See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!

MOSTLY Fs

"I stayed over at Alyson's dad's house and we pretended to be Normal Teens - fun!!!"

Never mind crushes, your closest bond is with your BFF 4evaaa! This relationship is entirely platonic: Alyson’s the kind of pal who, in 20 years time, you'll still want to stay up all night watching 00s movies with.

Every Scooby gang needs a mega-geek on board, and every Main Character needs a trusty confidante to share EVERYTHING WITH.

Hasbian Character Crush Quiz

Question One:

Question Two:

Question Three:

Question Four:

Question Five:

Question Six:

Question Seven:

Question Eight:

Question Nine:

Question Ten:

Meet Your Crush!!!

MOSTLY As

MOSTLY Bs

MOSTLY Cs

MOSTLY Ds

MOSTLY Es

MOSTLY Fs

Let us know how accurate the results were!